My Midlife Upgrade: No Labels Needed

After raising my child as a single parent, she suggested that I start dating. I think she was worried about leaving me alone when she went away to school. I gave it some thought and eventually dipped my toe into the dating pool. It was nerve‑racking, but also liberating to date in my 50s+. Of course, I wanted to make a good impression, but I didn’t feel pressure—I was fine with or without a man in my life.

In my younger years, I might have played games or held back my true self. But this time, I decided to be authentic from the start. They either liked me or they didn’t. I dated a few frogs (and let me tell you, some of those frogs were very committed to staying frogs), and then I found a prince. Honestly, I wasn’t sure good guys even existed anymore. Well, that was almost two years ago, and we’re still going strong. We haven’t even had a fight—though we’ve had a few spirited debates over thermostat settings.

That said, something happened a month ago that caught me off guard. My boyfriend had a doctor's appointment, and I was his driver. When we checked in, the nurse asked if he had a driver. He gestured to me and said yes. Then she asked, “What is your relation to the driver?” and he replied, “Friend.”

It was a gut punch. I couldn’t believe how much that word stung. I went to sit down, and he joined me as if nothing had happened. I decided not to bring it up before his procedure—just in case something went wrong. (Imagine me storming into the recovery room yelling, “This is your FRIEND speaking!” Not the vibe.) Thankfully, he came through fine. On the way home, we stopped for an early dinner. When he asked what I wanted, I said, “Well, as your friend, I would like…” And that’s how the meal continued, me referring to myself as his friend.

That’s when he realized what he had done. His excuse was that he didn’t think there was a box for “girlfriend.” He assured me I was much more than a friend, and the next day I received the most beautiful arrangement of flowers at my office addressed to “the most amazing girlfriend.” Now we laugh about it—though I still tease him that if he ever calls me “friend” again, I’ll start introducing him as my “Uber driver.”

But it made me wonder: what do people our age—50+ and in serious, committed relationships but not married—call each other?

“Girlfriend” and “boyfriend” sound juvenile, like we’re back in high school and he just gave me his class ring. “Partner” or “life partner” feels more like a business arrangement. There’s “better half,” “sweetheart,” “lover,” “Mr. Big,” “mi amore,” “love of my life,” or the more mature “S.O.” (significant other). None of them feel quite right.

One evening, my daughter, my boyfriend, and I were talking about her relationship. She wondered when her boyfriend would ask her to be his “official” girlfriend. They had been dating for a while, but she explained they were only “talking” until he asked. Then she looked at my boyfriend and asked when he had asked me. He said he hadn’t—we just understood it. I agreed. I didn’t need him to ask me to “go steady.”

Puzzled, my daughter pressed, “Well, what are you all then?” And he replied, “We are us.”

And I loved that answer. Maybe in this world of labels, this is one time when a label isn’t necessary. I’ll be content being “us,” and each person is free to define their relationship in whatever way feels right.

 Do any of you all have an opinion on this or another term that you all use that you would like to share with KTCWK?